Tonight, My Heart Aches

Last week was a roller coaster week. Paperwork that was sent several weeks ago for Apostilling at the State was lost - they had no record of receiving it. Then the paperwork was found, then things looked better, but the next day, things were not so good, then everything looked better and then, well, you get the picture.

We've been hoping and praying for a July court date and to that end, working on updating any documents expiring in June, July, or August. Diligently trying to dot all of our i's and cross all of our t's. In addition, we have been fundraising like mad (you can review previous posts). Although we are still short some funds, we have faith that we will have necessary funds by the time we travel in July.

Thursday evening, we had a conference call with our family coordinator and the director of our agency in Florida to make sure we were all on the same page. We set a plan to have all documents to our facilitator on Tuesday and they would be on their way to Russia the next day. We felt very encouraged after the meeting and hopeful we were still on track for a July court date.

We planned on starting to paint our Angel's room this weekend. It's been the spare room and after some of our fundraising, became a bit of a storage room. We decided it's time to get it in order. Remember, she picked out the colors she wanted. Honestly, it's taken us awhile to figure out how to combine the colors without making the room look like a circus.

And then, this afternoon, we received an email from our family coordinator and my heart sank. Although everything would be in Russia in time for us to get a court date in July, it will be difficult to get our visa invitations and our visas in time. Therefore, they are advising to push our court to August. I cannot tell you how this change impacts much of our plans, life, jobs, school, etc... for the fall. What a major disappointment! And what about our Angel? Is she going to think we don't love her? Will she be worrying that we are never coming back? Will her friends tease her and say "they aren't coming for you" Oh, my heart aches to hold her, hug her, and reassure her that we WILL come back to get her.

We have been praying and praying that everything would go smoothly here on out. When this type of "stuff" happens it is so difficult not to ask "God Why? Are we not worthy?Are we not ready? Are You telling us we should not adopt? What is it? What are we doing wrong? What aren't we doing right? I could go on questioning the rest of the night....................

I see myself as a glass half full, the skies are partly sunny, Pollyanna type. No matter what comes my way, I have to find something positive to latch onto (see Disappointment or Encouragement? and Ambiguity and a Little Pollyanna). Otherwise, I would probably not be able to get out of bed in the morning. My first reaction to this news was to go to bed until August. Of course, I can't really do that. But I have to figure out something positive about this delay or I will have difficulties getting through the days.

Now, I will go to bed and pray about this. I will pray that God will guide us in what we are to do and He will help us realize the positives of this delay rather than dwell on the negatives.

Thank you for allowing me to share the ups and downs of our adoption journey with you. Here is the scripture from my Bible Study Thursday evening - little did I know then how appropriate it would be tonight:

...there was given to me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness"... I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:7-10.

Delighting in difficulties,
Elizabeth